Spam, Spam, Glorious Spam

The world is drowning in spam, and I’m not talking about the tinned luncheon meat.

If there is alien life out there and they’re trying to decipher our emails and the digital transmissions emitted from the world wide web, good luck to them – they’ll be bloody lucky to find any sensible information.
They’ll assume we’re all desperate for longer lasting erections or six pack abs.


And it’s not just email – my blog comments have been overrun by retards.
To prove my point I’ve copied a few class blog comments received on my own blogs. You’ll probably recognise a few of them…I haven’t edited the superb spelling or grammar in the interest of fair reporting..

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And my favourite so far…

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Great. I’m sure if I were to take enough mind bending drugs, I’d know what this meant. I haven’t and I don’t.

I’m not sure what the point is – most blogs require posts to be ‘moderated’ before publishing. All spam comments do is waste people’s time and fill up our inboxes.

If you’re keen on blog commenting, that’s great, just try and write something of interest that’s relevant to the post. Firstly it will probably get approved and secondly you could actually generate some traffic to your own site from it.

Email spam is much the same. We invite some of it by signing up to peoples offers all over the web – some we never asked for.

I get frequent emails from a guy in Nigeria who’s been very lucky.
Apparently some distant relative has left him over $100 million.
Wow – he must want for nothing.
Sadly he does. He frequently tells me he just needs my bank account details so he can cash it all in, and he’s going to make me a multi millionaire too!
We’ll be able to live the high life together.
Yeah, right.

This year alone I’ve won the Swiss lottery 5 times – amazing as I’ve never even bought a ticket.

My online bank account has been put in jeopardy by hackers many more times – I just need to type in my account number and details and these good people will make sure it’s all OK – pity they always choose the wrong bank!

I get around 5 emails a day from someone called Oliver. I don’t know who he is and nor do I care – I probably invited his emails at some point long, long ago..
Had he sent me a couple of messages a week, I might have taken the time to read them.
Now he’s basically become my online stalker, I just let his emails fill up my junk folder. I’m not sure how long it takes him to write them – there are literally thousands. I’m sure he’s wasting his time if everyone else has also marked him out as a pain in the ass!
I’d unsubscribe but I don’t want to ruin his fun.

Let’s hope we manage to keep the web working in the coming years before it’s buried once and for all under a mountain of spam.

Rant over.

Update 10th Feb 2014
Having just heard Matt Cutt’s response to spam comments and poor grammar (see below)
I’ll probably get hammered by Google for re-printing the comments above – In the interests of education though, I’ve decided to leave them.

I’d love to hear your comments on the subject below – no spam please!


  • Karleen

    Reply Reply 23/01/2014

    David, I was practically rolling on the floor reading the comments above! I’ve had many of those types of spammy comments in the past when I was actively working on some affiliate sites that have since gone to the wayside. I’d forgotten how unbelievably ridiculous they can be.

    Thanks for the good laugh (although I know it’s irritating to see those comments and emails). I think most of us can relate. And thank God for being able to moderate on our sites!

    • David Black

      Reply Reply 23/01/2014

      Thanks Karleen – glad they entertained you – see you in the forum!

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